This post is probably weird but what else is new?
I can't remember a time when I didn't want to be married and have children. Yep... I was one of those kids who had tons of dolls scattered around my room and every one had a name, all my "babies" were equally important to me. (At night, it was really tough because I didn't want any of them to have to sleep by themselves so my twin-size bed got a bit crowded...:)
Long after the doll stage, when I was 17, I read something in the Bible Study Fellowship notes on Genesis that caught my attention. The lesson was about finding a wife for Isaac and the main point was that the servant who had to find this girl didn't just go busting ahead in his own wisdom and strength but instead prayed first.
Bottom line: Eleazar prayed, asked for a specific sign, and immediately Rebekkah showed up - the rest being (literally) history.
In this particular BSF lesson, Miss Johnson asked if we had ever knelt and petitioned God in faith for something. I really hadn't. So I knelt where I was and asked God if He would someday let me have the gift of marriage.
In BSF, we had learned to watch for several things when seeking God's guidance: Scriptural confirmation, a deep, God-given sense of peace, and also for circumstances to line up. As I made my request, I realized that it might be a while before Mr. Right came along so I asked God to confirm His will ahead of time. Basically, I asked Him to give me a deep peace if it was His plan for me to be married some day. No change in my current emotional status would mean that it wasn't. Before I even finished my request, I was totally flooded with peace - something that I knew was from Him and not from me.
Having gotten the green light, so to speak, I added my plan - which was to be married within a few years - certainly by the time I finished college:) However the years started flying by and as they did, many of my friends married while I - I became an expert at serving wedding cake and punch :( Frankly, it wasn't easy. Each time another friend married, I struggled with feelings of loneliness, of having missed life somehow, and also with envy. And I doubted whether I had heard God correctly back when I was 17.
As I approached thirty, yet another close friend was getting married and I knew it would be a challenge for me emotionally. So as soon as I knew she was engaged, I started asking God to help me - to keep my attitude joyful for my friend's sake and to protect me from feelings of depression. And He did it! Even during the ceremony itself, I was fine.
However, driving back home afterwards, alone in the dark, I began to struggle. As I was going down University Avenue the words to the song, "He's the Hand on My Shoulder" caught my attention. I listened to the lyrics and then simply asked God if He would be the hand on my shoulder - telling Him that I needed a tangible sense of His nearness. And that's when it happened - I felt a slight, momentary pressure on my shoulder and a deep comfort to go with it. The sense of comfort was quickly followed by incredulity. I had asked - but I hadn't really expected! I was so shocked that I even looked over my shoulder in case someone was in the back seat! Yet even as I looked I knew that if it had been a person, I would have been scared (to put it mildly!!), not uplifted.
Simply put, He gave what I asked for and more..
And, needless to say, that song has been special to me ever since.
Now, as Phil and I approach our 25th anniversary in Nov. (God keeps His promises!!!!), we can testify that His hand has never left us even through the dark days and difficult times of life -He is the hand on our shoulder.. Not literally unless.... you really need it. Then, He really can do it!
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Monday, July 25, 2011
Burundi, cheeseburgers, and ... chumps...:)
Okay. My feet are definitely made of clay and my mouth is usually better closed as opposed to open. I've been reading a little about a traumatized African country, one that used to be joined with Rwanda and like Rwanda, has also experienced tribal genocide. The name of the place is Burundi and it's history is no less shocking than Rwanda's or the Sudan's.
I read a little bit this morning about their extreme poverty, tension and violence back in the 1990's and then I put the book down in order to go swimming. (Think Western dichotomy here..). While I'm exercising in the water, a personal grievance enters my mind and before long, my brain is stewing over this past event, Burundi's problems having taken a back seat to mine... After the water aerobics stuff, I head to Sonic and choose at least two items that are relatively low calorie. (The third item we won't discuss.:.)
After repeating my order three times distinctly enough and loudly enough to have been heard in Burundi and after also mentioning twice that I had a 2.00 off coupon, the girl gave me my total. I quickly realized it was not discounted. So I called back, talked to someone else and they recalculated my total to include the coupon.
When the girl came out, she announced that I had a cheese burger. I told her that I hadn't ordered a cheeseburger. She looked pretty intelligent but for some reason, she just kept standing there saying flatly, "So.. you don't want this..." I kept telling her that I didn't and she just kept stonewalling.
I've had problems at this Sonic before but everyone has always been nice about it, quick to try to fix it, etc. So it hasn't bothered me.
This time, however, I got ticked. The only thing that helped me remain calm on the outside was something one of our pastors said a week ago Sunday: if you've ever been hateful to a casual acquaintance or someone you just met out in public, don't go back and try to witness to them. Just don't even go there...
And it would be just my luck to go off on the girl and then the next time I see her, it's at church... So I let the pastor's words run through my mind while I deliberately kept my voice firm but calm. She wouldn't budge, however, and just kept asking me in a flat voice if I didn't want the burger. I'm guessing the manager would have made her pay for the cheese burger had she taken it back. So again, thinking about the pastor's words and how young she was, I told her I'd take the cheese burger. (And I bit my tongue to keep from adding colorful speculation on how long it would be before I ever went back to that particular Sonic...)
And then I even gave her a tip, for which I got a smirk, a nonchalant "Okay", and a shrug.
And now I'm sitting here wondering how I could even do that? Like I'm leap-frogging from horrific suffering (starvation, etc) in Burundi to getting bent out of shape over poor service at Sonic and feeling self-righteously aggrieved because, um.. I had to eat a cheeseburger??? And the girl didn't like, fall all over my feet when I went ahead and tipped her in spite of her attitude??? Like I should have at least been kowtowed to for that or something...!!
I'd like to say that I'm having a bad day, don't feel good, etc. But I feel fine and my day started off well.
Instead, I'd have to agree with Corrie ten Boom. In Tramp for the Lord she wrote Corrie ten Boom is lazy, selfish, and filled with ego. But Jesus Christ in Corrie ten Boom is just the opposite of all these things. (P. 108)
Basically when I mess up by being petty (or am keeping it okay on the outside while seething over something petty on the inside), I'd like to think that's not the real me, that deep down inside I really am the image that I try to project - someone who has their priorities straight, who puts others first, etc. But the truth is that when you scratch the surface, Cathie Abernathy is also lazy, selfish, and filled with ego.
The good news is that Jesus in me, when I let Him have the upper hand, is just the opposite.
And really, I think that's the good news for all of us.
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Joy comes in the (early) morning..
Something different. Still not sure what caused it.
I tried to go to sleep last night at a more normal hour -which right now would be midnight for me instead of say 1 or 2 a.m....=/ However, sleep would not come. In it's place, came something better. As I lay there in the dark, I felt peace and joy - almost tangible joy - along with praise welling up inside me. I found myself praising God in what I always think of as "Nigerian Style" because that's how my Nigerian "daughter" always prayed - just different from Arkie home-grown prayers - trust me on this one.
She would often start off thanking God for things like having gas in the car and food on the table with real, heartfelt thankfulness. She might go on to add thanks for the fact that it was not our portion on this particular day to wake up sick or in the hospital. Then her prayers would increase in intensity as she would plead the blood of Christ over her friends and family who were in distress. There was definitely none of the God is good, God is great... now I lay me down to sleep stuff in her prayers. All of our friends loved to hear her pray and often as we were ending chill time together, we would pester her to pray out loud... in Nigerian! :) It was so strange but even when she prayed fervently in her own language - which was incomprehensible to us - we felt His presence so much more than we did when our own prayers wafted towards the ceiling in English.
Last night, my prayers weren't as fervent as Yetty's but they were from the heart - actually, if I am allowed to say it - from outside my heart. My petitions weren't whiny, fearful, or composed of incessant begging - the way a child nags at a parent until they get their way. Please, Abba, please... would You...
I was so surprised by the peace and joy, confidence even that seemed to be welling up within me that I tried to figure out why it was happening. This is what I came up with:
1. Someone was praying for me and that's how God answered them - by wrapping me in His love, giving me a respite from my normal fearful self. So if you prayed for me yesterday or last night - thank-you! God definitely heard!
2. God used the thoughts planted by the Sullivan Four blog to re-direct my thoughts, as He has done in the past. The blog talked about how God can transform worriers and how He actually did that for their daughter, Hannah. I needed to hear that - went back and read it twice before going to sleep.
3. God had been working throughout the day to show me that He really is Sovereign, that He does all things well. (All I can compare yesterday to is like spending hours upon hours toiling uphill, staring at the ground and at the little bit of trail that you can see snaking between the thorns and the brush and then.. suddenly.. you reach the top and you can look back and actually see that there was rhyme and reason to the path that you've been following).
4. At some point yesterday/last night, I took a small step towards reaching out in a particular way, something that fear has kept me from doing for a long time. It occurred to me last night, as I lay there quietly rejoicing in His presence, that fear must cancel out joy.
5. I have felt for the past few days that it wasn't the thing to go right into yet another thriller/adventure/espionage novel. I don't think God has anything against them at all. I just felt that He wanted me to stow the adrenalin-laced stuff briefly b/c He wanted my attention. Thursday night, I went ahead and started a new novel anyway, sort of tipping my hat to God in the process, reading until my eyes were tired, and then falling into a fitful sleep. Last night I was going to pick up where I left off in the novel but reluctantly decided not to. It's hard for me to believe that just laying aside a fun novel for one evening could lead to such a palpable sense of His nearness but maybe it could. I really don't know.
Whatever the reason, I'm grateful. As I lay there last night, feeling so close to Him, I thought: this must be what Heaven is like. Only in Heaven you know it will never end -you'll always feel His nearness, His peace, His confidence, His joy and there'll never be that nagging certainty that sooner or later the experience will fade.
Is He less real this morning because my mind is running on it's normal track?
Definitely not.
Would I like to experience His nearness like that more often?
What do you think? :)
I tried to go to sleep last night at a more normal hour -which right now would be midnight for me instead of say 1 or 2 a.m....=/ However, sleep would not come. In it's place, came something better. As I lay there in the dark, I felt peace and joy - almost tangible joy - along with praise welling up inside me. I found myself praising God in what I always think of as "Nigerian Style" because that's how my Nigerian "daughter" always prayed - just different from Arkie home-grown prayers - trust me on this one.
She would often start off thanking God for things like having gas in the car and food on the table with real, heartfelt thankfulness. She might go on to add thanks for the fact that it was not our portion on this particular day to wake up sick or in the hospital. Then her prayers would increase in intensity as she would plead the blood of Christ over her friends and family who were in distress. There was definitely none of the God is good, God is great... now I lay me down to sleep stuff in her prayers. All of our friends loved to hear her pray and often as we were ending chill time together, we would pester her to pray out loud... in Nigerian! :) It was so strange but even when she prayed fervently in her own language - which was incomprehensible to us - we felt His presence so much more than we did when our own prayers wafted towards the ceiling in English.
Last night, my prayers weren't as fervent as Yetty's but they were from the heart - actually, if I am allowed to say it - from outside my heart. My petitions weren't whiny, fearful, or composed of incessant begging - the way a child nags at a parent until they get their way. Please, Abba, please... would You...
I was so surprised by the peace and joy, confidence even that seemed to be welling up within me that I tried to figure out why it was happening. This is what I came up with:
1. Someone was praying for me and that's how God answered them - by wrapping me in His love, giving me a respite from my normal fearful self. So if you prayed for me yesterday or last night - thank-you! God definitely heard!
2. God used the thoughts planted by the Sullivan Four blog to re-direct my thoughts, as He has done in the past. The blog talked about how God can transform worriers and how He actually did that for their daughter, Hannah. I needed to hear that - went back and read it twice before going to sleep.
3. God had been working throughout the day to show me that He really is Sovereign, that He does all things well. (All I can compare yesterday to is like spending hours upon hours toiling uphill, staring at the ground and at the little bit of trail that you can see snaking between the thorns and the brush and then.. suddenly.. you reach the top and you can look back and actually see that there was rhyme and reason to the path that you've been following).
4. At some point yesterday/last night, I took a small step towards reaching out in a particular way, something that fear has kept me from doing for a long time. It occurred to me last night, as I lay there quietly rejoicing in His presence, that fear must cancel out joy.
5. I have felt for the past few days that it wasn't the thing to go right into yet another thriller/adventure/espionage novel. I don't think God has anything against them at all. I just felt that He wanted me to stow the adrenalin-laced stuff briefly b/c He wanted my attention. Thursday night, I went ahead and started a new novel anyway, sort of tipping my hat to God in the process, reading until my eyes were tired, and then falling into a fitful sleep. Last night I was going to pick up where I left off in the novel but reluctantly decided not to. It's hard for me to believe that just laying aside a fun novel for one evening could lead to such a palpable sense of His nearness but maybe it could. I really don't know.
Whatever the reason, I'm grateful. As I lay there last night, feeling so close to Him, I thought: this must be what Heaven is like. Only in Heaven you know it will never end -you'll always feel His nearness, His peace, His confidence, His joy and there'll never be that nagging certainty that sooner or later the experience will fade.
Is He less real this morning because my mind is running on it's normal track?
Definitely not.
Would I like to experience His nearness like that more often?
What do you think? :)
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
An impeccable outlook...
I took a neighbor's child to Willow Springs this week. He's entering his last year of elementary school and to my surprise, was a delight to hang out with.
When we got to the Water Park, he just looked at the water and quietly asked me how deep it was. Then he chose a picnic table, deposited his stuff and walked right into the pool, stopping only fractionally when the cool water first hit his feet and legs. Once he was fully in the water he cautiously headed out towards the middle, still matter-of-factly using me as a sounding board: how deep is it here? How deep is it going to be over there? Now how deep do you think it is? More than once, he solemnly informed me that he didn't want to drown but as long as he could stand on his tip-toes and bounce, he'd be okay.
In between depth soundings, he chatted about his dog whom he obviously loves. Later, after the dog topic wore out, I asked him if he had any brothers or sisters. He stared at me and then said flatly, "Yes." Nothing else. Just "Yes." So I hazarded a guess: you like your dog better than your siblings?
He looked startled at my perspicuity and then threw back his head, laughing with sheer joy. Somewhere in all the laughter was a resounding "Yes!":)
It wasn't until we'd been in the pool for a while that he said, "When I saw this place, I thought: this is the biggest pool I'd ever seen!! I was scared!!" This was news to me: I knew he was concerned about the depth of the water obviously but I didn't realize this was the biggest body of water he'd ever been in .
I told him that he hadn't shown fear and he quietly thanked me but added, "This pool is huge! I really was scared but I went in anyhow. But still... I've never been in anything like this before!"
At one point, I headed for the "shore" while he stayed in the water, near the slide. By this time, he said he'd been outside so long the sun was turning his feet white...! I told him that was curious: the same sun was turning my nose red!
Later, while he voluntarily guarded our things, I left the park to get a burger order for us but the girl who waited on me was in-training and although we went over the order three times, things still got a little garbled. I finally took what I hoped were two cheese burgers back to the water park and set the sack on the picnic table. My new friend dug into the first cheese burger and when I told him it was supposed to have ketchup on it, he quit eating long enough to examine the inside of the bun. "Nope! It doesn't have any. But that's okay! At least she got two burgers in the sack!!!" When we realized there were no fries, I told him it was just her first day on the job.To my surprise, he looked sympathetic and said, "Oh, wow. Then she did good!"
After lunch, we both got back in the water and separated at the water slide.
As I made my way across the pool, trying to exercise my joints, I saw an older swimmer like myself, a man who looked a little rough around the edges, and I realized he was just glaring at me. I've gone to this park for years and never had a cross word from anyone so I decided to ignore Mr. Grumpy, which I did. Everybody has their bad days and everybody else I saw was very friendly. Maybe he was in the water for the same reason I was: arthritis can definitely wipe the smile off your face...
Later, while I was sitting at the picnic table reading, I again saw this man several tables away, leaning over and frowning in my direction. There was no one else in between us - the other tables were empty. I thought: what is this man's problem?
And then I knew. Or thought I knew.
One over-weight, grandmotherly white woman and one young, super-bright, polite, funny African American boy.
I immediately assumed the guy was a bigot and then spent the next few minutes thinking of what I'd like to say to him: sorry, the child and I don't hang out with bigots... or you needn't glare in my direction, the opinion of racist red-necks has never been high on my list of things to worry about...
By the time I got through formulating my "snappy" responses, he was gone and the child was still happily wandering all over the pool, having conquered his fear admirably. From the beginning of our time together until the end, the boy was never anything but helpful, polite, funny, and appreciative.
Hopefully the disgruntled guy a few tables down was just having a bad day...
If not, then maybe ... if we ever run across him again - which is not likely - and if he ever changes his manners and minds his "p's and q's".. then maybe - just maybe - we'll let him associate with us and in time - who knows? The boy's impeccable outlook on life might eventually rub off on the old guy, making him a better person in the process...
When we got to the Water Park, he just looked at the water and quietly asked me how deep it was. Then he chose a picnic table, deposited his stuff and walked right into the pool, stopping only fractionally when the cool water first hit his feet and legs. Once he was fully in the water he cautiously headed out towards the middle, still matter-of-factly using me as a sounding board: how deep is it here? How deep is it going to be over there? Now how deep do you think it is? More than once, he solemnly informed me that he didn't want to drown but as long as he could stand on his tip-toes and bounce, he'd be okay.
In between depth soundings, he chatted about his dog whom he obviously loves. Later, after the dog topic wore out, I asked him if he had any brothers or sisters. He stared at me and then said flatly, "Yes." Nothing else. Just "Yes." So I hazarded a guess: you like your dog better than your siblings?
He looked startled at my perspicuity and then threw back his head, laughing with sheer joy. Somewhere in all the laughter was a resounding "Yes!":)
It wasn't until we'd been in the pool for a while that he said, "When I saw this place, I thought: this is the biggest pool I'd ever seen!! I was scared!!" This was news to me: I knew he was concerned about the depth of the water obviously but I didn't realize this was the biggest body of water he'd ever been in .
I told him that he hadn't shown fear and he quietly thanked me but added, "This pool is huge! I really was scared but I went in anyhow. But still... I've never been in anything like this before!"
At one point, I headed for the "shore" while he stayed in the water, near the slide. By this time, he said he'd been outside so long the sun was turning his feet white...! I told him that was curious: the same sun was turning my nose red!
Later, while he voluntarily guarded our things, I left the park to get a burger order for us but the girl who waited on me was in-training and although we went over the order three times, things still got a little garbled. I finally took what I hoped were two cheese burgers back to the water park and set the sack on the picnic table. My new friend dug into the first cheese burger and when I told him it was supposed to have ketchup on it, he quit eating long enough to examine the inside of the bun. "Nope! It doesn't have any. But that's okay! At least she got two burgers in the sack!!!" When we realized there were no fries, I told him it was just her first day on the job.To my surprise, he looked sympathetic and said, "Oh, wow. Then she did good!"
After lunch, we both got back in the water and separated at the water slide.
As I made my way across the pool, trying to exercise my joints, I saw an older swimmer like myself, a man who looked a little rough around the edges, and I realized he was just glaring at me. I've gone to this park for years and never had a cross word from anyone so I decided to ignore Mr. Grumpy, which I did. Everybody has their bad days and everybody else I saw was very friendly. Maybe he was in the water for the same reason I was: arthritis can definitely wipe the smile off your face...
Later, while I was sitting at the picnic table reading, I again saw this man several tables away, leaning over and frowning in my direction. There was no one else in between us - the other tables were empty. I thought: what is this man's problem?
And then I knew. Or thought I knew.
One over-weight, grandmotherly white woman and one young, super-bright, polite, funny African American boy.
I immediately assumed the guy was a bigot and then spent the next few minutes thinking of what I'd like to say to him: sorry, the child and I don't hang out with bigots... or you needn't glare in my direction, the opinion of racist red-necks has never been high on my list of things to worry about...
By the time I got through formulating my "snappy" responses, he was gone and the child was still happily wandering all over the pool, having conquered his fear admirably. From the beginning of our time together until the end, the boy was never anything but helpful, polite, funny, and appreciative.
Hopefully the disgruntled guy a few tables down was just having a bad day...
If not, then maybe ... if we ever run across him again - which is not likely - and if he ever changes his manners and minds his "p's and q's".. then maybe - just maybe - we'll let him associate with us and in time - who knows? The boy's impeccable outlook on life might eventually rub off on the old guy, making him a better person in the process...
Heaven - From the Lucado Life Lessons Study Bible.
This statement by Max Lucado caught my eye recently and I've gone back to re-read it several times since then:
"We are not happy here because we are not at home here. We are not happy here because we are not supposed to be happy here. We are 'like foreigners and strangers in this world..' (I Peter 2:11)
"Take a fish and place him on the beach. Watch his gills grasp and scales dry. Is he happy? No! How do you make him happy? Do you cover him with a mountain of cash? Do you get a beach chair and sunglasses? Do you bring him a Playfish magazine and martini? Do you wardrobe him in double breasted fins and people-skinned shoes?" p. 1645.
I love the imagery that brings to mind: a fish sitting on the beach, wearing shades and designer clothes with an irritated expression, flipping through a magazine, tossing it aside, sipping on his drink, looking even more disgruntled, and setting that aside as well...
Only, that isn't the whole image Lucado presents. When I got to the witty part, it was easy for me to forget that he starts off by talking about a fish who is dying. As this poor Charlie the Tuna gasps for water, people give him everything but....
I can clearly see that showering a beached fish with money, prestige and "the good life" isn't going to help him any. The only thing that will help him, as Lucado says, is to send the fish back home, back to his natural environment.
Unlike the fish, we can (and should) enjoy things here on earth. Lucado isn't against being happy and experiencing the joys of earthly life.
But he is saying that like the fish we are out of our natural element.
And if we do feel happy, contented (satisfied?) day in and day out with the things of this world, then something is wrong. If we don't regularly feel that deep, unsatisfied longing in the gut for something better and if we never realize that the pursuit of wealth, new experiences, prestige, sex and alcohol can't totally fill that void within us, then we're in worse shape than the fish.
As he puts it, The only ultimate disaster that can befall us, I have come to realize, is to feel ourselves to be home on earth. As long as we are aliens, we cannot forget our true homeland.
In other words, Disneyland is great for the moment; but it can't take the place of Heaven and shouldn't take away our need to "phone home" on a regular basis!
"We are not happy here because we are not at home here. We are not happy here because we are not supposed to be happy here. We are 'like foreigners and strangers in this world..' (I Peter 2:11)
"Take a fish and place him on the beach. Watch his gills grasp and scales dry. Is he happy? No! How do you make him happy? Do you cover him with a mountain of cash? Do you get a beach chair and sunglasses? Do you bring him a Playfish magazine and martini? Do you wardrobe him in double breasted fins and people-skinned shoes?" p. 1645.
I love the imagery that brings to mind: a fish sitting on the beach, wearing shades and designer clothes with an irritated expression, flipping through a magazine, tossing it aside, sipping on his drink, looking even more disgruntled, and setting that aside as well...
Only, that isn't the whole image Lucado presents. When I got to the witty part, it was easy for me to forget that he starts off by talking about a fish who is dying. As this poor Charlie the Tuna gasps for water, people give him everything but....
I can clearly see that showering a beached fish with money, prestige and "the good life" isn't going to help him any. The only thing that will help him, as Lucado says, is to send the fish back home, back to his natural environment.
Unlike the fish, we can (and should) enjoy things here on earth. Lucado isn't against being happy and experiencing the joys of earthly life.
But he is saying that like the fish we are out of our natural element.
And if we do feel happy, contented (satisfied?) day in and day out with the things of this world, then something is wrong. If we don't regularly feel that deep, unsatisfied longing in the gut for something better and if we never realize that the pursuit of wealth, new experiences, prestige, sex and alcohol can't totally fill that void within us, then we're in worse shape than the fish.
As he puts it, The only ultimate disaster that can befall us, I have come to realize, is to feel ourselves to be home on earth. As long as we are aliens, we cannot forget our true homeland.
In other words, Disneyland is great for the moment; but it can't take the place of Heaven and shouldn't take away our need to "phone home" on a regular basis!
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
=/
Opposites do attract!
My husband and I once took a spiritual gifts "inventory" at church - I totally maxed out on encouragement and mercy. I totally bottomed out (couldn't have gone any lower) on the gift of service. Guess what? My husband topped the chart on service (he couldn't have gone any higher) and bottomed out on mercy! But he also topped the chart on discerning truth.
So last night we get into a discussion on Iraq - I'm actually just wanting to recount the highlight of this great romance/thriller novel that I read on Iraq and how I just loved the part where they go into an underground church and everyone there, no matter what their previous background, loves and cares for each other (think lots of Happy Faces here), etc. When he starts telling me what our govt. should have done differently - not intending to stir up anything at all.
So then I start looking at things from the Iraqi point of view, thinking about the people, their culture, and how they would feel if our govt. had dictated to them even more than it has... and boom... we were into a heated discussion that probably would have left the Iraqi's scratching their heads at how idiotic Americans can be...
Like... don't these crazy Westerners have a life????
And really, that's maybe the whole point of this blog... I'm thinking that maybe I don't... =/
Like, maybe it's time to do something crazy wild (as far as my sedate life is concerned) and go busting off to a whole 'nother country (and I don't mean Texas...)
But without my better half??? Who will argue with me at 11 P.M., apologize at 8 the next morning (even though he was right, incidentally), take me out to breakfast, and then break out a map of Israel to discuss all the fun places that I might get to see - never complaining that he isn't going to get to go - and then head out to bust out the paint cans so that he can spend his day off finishing the bedroom, my headboard request having derailed him by a week or so....
If I know what long-suffering, unselfishness, and servant heart mean, it's because of Phil. I'm going to miss him!!
My husband and I once took a spiritual gifts "inventory" at church - I totally maxed out on encouragement and mercy. I totally bottomed out (couldn't have gone any lower) on the gift of service. Guess what? My husband topped the chart on service (he couldn't have gone any higher) and bottomed out on mercy! But he also topped the chart on discerning truth.
So last night we get into a discussion on Iraq - I'm actually just wanting to recount the highlight of this great romance/thriller novel that I read on Iraq and how I just loved the part where they go into an underground church and everyone there, no matter what their previous background, loves and cares for each other (think lots of Happy Faces here), etc. When he starts telling me what our govt. should have done differently - not intending to stir up anything at all.
So then I start looking at things from the Iraqi point of view, thinking about the people, their culture, and how they would feel if our govt. had dictated to them even more than it has... and boom... we were into a heated discussion that probably would have left the Iraqi's scratching their heads at how idiotic Americans can be...
Like... don't these crazy Westerners have a life????
And really, that's maybe the whole point of this blog... I'm thinking that maybe I don't... =/
Like, maybe it's time to do something crazy wild (as far as my sedate life is concerned) and go busting off to a whole 'nother country (and I don't mean Texas...)
But without my better half??? Who will argue with me at 11 P.M., apologize at 8 the next morning (even though he was right, incidentally), take me out to breakfast, and then break out a map of Israel to discuss all the fun places that I might get to see - never complaining that he isn't going to get to go - and then head out to bust out the paint cans so that he can spend his day off finishing the bedroom, my headboard request having derailed him by a week or so....
If I know what long-suffering, unselfishness, and servant heart mean, it's because of Phil. I'm going to miss him!!
Monday, July 18, 2011
I didn't like writing this sooo... chances are...
...you aren't going to like reading it... :(
Clearly, I'm very unsure about writing this; what is on my mind today is definitely not PC and could be misinterpreted easily. Also, the thoughts I want to share are disparate - not connected very well yet very much on my mind (which is pretty jumbled, even on the best of days!)
I know it will sound silly - and maybe also judgmental (although I don't mean it that way) - but I have trouble with the phrase "love me some..." Almost all my friends use it and I don't have any friends that are greedy, selfish, uncaring. All are giving and tender-hearted. So if it doesn't bother them, I know it shouldn't bother me.
But it does. The subject in that sentence is implied: [I] love me.... is really how it starts out. And I think that is one of the big problems of our society: I love me!
However, I realize the sentences that start off this way actually mean: I love ______________. But by putting the pronoun "me" early in the sentence, it paints a vivid picture in my mind. Somehow, I always turn the sentence around and see the person saying, I love this (item, thing, experience...) so much that I'm incorporating it into myself, I'm hugging it to myself, I'm loving myself by acquiring this.
Again, I respect and love all my friends and all my friends basically use this phrase. The problem I have is not with people who use it but with where it originated. Hollywood, I'm guessing. And the mainstream message that permeates our society - I'm loving me by buying, consuming, having this, that, or the other!
So... do I do that? Just ask Amazon.com...... Just ask who gets the last Hersey-with-almonds bar around here in our home!! (Always!!!) Yep, even though I don't use the phrase, I definitely live it... And perhaps that is why the concept bothers me so much: I've bought into the current mindset as much or more than anyone else.
Last night I couldn't sleep and so I was trying to pray. As the minutes slid into an hour or so, I did something out of the norm for me - I asked God what He wanted. I did this more than once because each time I threw this question into the night air, the next thing I knew, I would realize that I was thinking about what I wanted.... This happened about 4 times until I finally gave up on this type of prayer, thinking maybe I was too tired or it was too weird a request.
This morning I had a quiet time first thing - something I don't always do honestly so don't get the wrong idea here. Usually first thing in the morning, I love me some Hersey's (there! I did use it!) and then eventually get around to reading me some Scripture - but am often unable to corral my rabbity thoughts into more than arrow prayers because the day is advanced by that time and my mind is going in a thousand different directions...
But this morning, I got on my knees and tried again with the weird prayer thing. This time, I phrased it, "Lord, what is on Your heart?" I did that several times and each time, I got the same instant impression.
Twelve people.
And the unnamed thousands they represent.
1. Youcef Nadarkhani. Iran - In prison since Oct. 2010. Sentenced to die. Guessing that's hard on his family!
2. Llmurad Nurlieve . Turkmenistan - In prison since August 2010. He's asked for a Bible to read but the authorities won't give it to him. Pretty sad... I'm looking at the Bibles on my book shelf thinking, I'd gladly give him one of mine!!!!
3. Vahhik Abrahamian. Iran - In prison since Sept. 2010. He has dual citizenship and could have left Iran after his first imprisonment to live in his native Holland but chose to stay in Iran instead. Why? So he could share Christ with the Iranian people. Pretty brave guy! Could I do that? Honestly... no.
4. Dr. Kiflu Gebremeskel. Eritrea - In prison since May 2004. He has a Ph.D. in mathematics from Chicago University and was a professor in his country. Until he resigned that job to take up another - namely leading a Christian church. His wife and 4 kids have not been allowed to visit him. Don't think I could handle that either! Knowing that PHil was in prison somewhere and had been for 7 years and we couldn't see him???
5. Kidane Weldou. Eritrea - In prison since March 2005. During a wave of persecution against Christians in Eritrea, he and other pastors were told to keep their mouths shut about what was going on. Guess what? He didn't... He got the news to friends in the West and now there's a real possibility he's cramped into a metal shipping container for days on end at times, convinced he's forgotten. And since it's hard for me to remember where Eritrea even is and I once taught geography, I'm guessing that for the most part, he's right - he is forgotten... But not by God! (And so, I hope, not by me...)
6. Haile Nayzgi. Eritrea - In prison since May 2004. Same deal as above. Except that the charges against him have yet to be released. Ugghhh.... So much for civil rights...
7. Yang Rongli China - In prison since Nov. 2009. Scheduled to be released 2017. What's the deal there? Preaching Christ is supposed to net a 6 or 7 year sentence in China... Isn't that one year too many?? (And I imagine a year in a Chinese prison is pretty looooonnnnnnggggg)
8. Pastor Wang Xiaoguang. China - In prison since Nov. 2009. His crime? Participating in a prayer rally on SEpt. 14, 2009. I can't imagine this...
9. Y Wo Nie. Vietnam - In prison since August 2004. His wife finds it hard to get menial jobs and some days has no income. Their youngest son is often sick. Since the father is a political prisoner, I'm guessing his wife and kids are ostracized - not much help for them.... Again, I would help them.. if I could!!! (But.... do i pray for them...?)
10. Yang Xuan China - In prison since Nov. 2009. The good news is that his daughter, Esther, is allowed limited visits to her dad in prison. Also to her mom in prison. Their crime? You guessed it - participating in that iniquitous prayer rally on Sept. 14, 2009. Why didn't they do this rally thing inside the church? Because the police raided their church the day before...
11. Imran Ghafur. Pakistan. In prison since July 2009. He's using his time to study God's word and has sent a message thanking all the Christians who have been praying for him, promising that he'll deliver his thanks personally when he is released. If he is released...
12. Tohar Haydarov. Uzbekistan - In prison since March 2010. He's been charged with selling illegal drugs. HIs church says his only crime was to serve God - that he is honest and the police set him up. He's been sentenced to 10 years. He looks pretty young in his pictures.. Wondering what he'll look like when he's released...
These are the prisoners that were highlighted on the Voice of the Martyrs website "prisoner alert" page. I knew that already. I just didn't know that when I asked God what was on His heart (repeatedly - since the first time I asked, He didn't respond with "you!!!"), that every time He would answer by bringing this list to mind. I guess I just thought these were some good people with impossible-to-pronounce-names whose situations were not fun to read about. Or think about. And therefore, hard to pray about... for me, at least.
Now I know they are more than just weird names and tough situations - they are the answer to the question: God, what is on Your heart?
Clearly, I'm very unsure about writing this; what is on my mind today is definitely not PC and could be misinterpreted easily. Also, the thoughts I want to share are disparate - not connected very well yet very much on my mind (which is pretty jumbled, even on the best of days!)
I know it will sound silly - and maybe also judgmental (although I don't mean it that way) - but I have trouble with the phrase "love me some..." Almost all my friends use it and I don't have any friends that are greedy, selfish, uncaring. All are giving and tender-hearted. So if it doesn't bother them, I know it shouldn't bother me.
But it does. The subject in that sentence is implied: [I] love me.... is really how it starts out. And I think that is one of the big problems of our society: I love me!
However, I realize the sentences that start off this way actually mean: I love ______________. But by putting the pronoun "me" early in the sentence, it paints a vivid picture in my mind. Somehow, I always turn the sentence around and see the person saying, I love this (item, thing, experience...) so much that I'm incorporating it into myself, I'm hugging it to myself, I'm loving myself by acquiring this.
Again, I respect and love all my friends and all my friends basically use this phrase. The problem I have is not with people who use it but with where it originated. Hollywood, I'm guessing. And the mainstream message that permeates our society - I'm loving me by buying, consuming, having this, that, or the other!
So... do I do that? Just ask Amazon.com...... Just ask who gets the last Hersey-with-almonds bar around here in our home!! (Always!!!) Yep, even though I don't use the phrase, I definitely live it... And perhaps that is why the concept bothers me so much: I've bought into the current mindset as much or more than anyone else.
Last night I couldn't sleep and so I was trying to pray. As the minutes slid into an hour or so, I did something out of the norm for me - I asked God what He wanted. I did this more than once because each time I threw this question into the night air, the next thing I knew, I would realize that I was thinking about what I wanted.... This happened about 4 times until I finally gave up on this type of prayer, thinking maybe I was too tired or it was too weird a request.
This morning I had a quiet time first thing - something I don't always do honestly so don't get the wrong idea here. Usually first thing in the morning, I love me some Hersey's (there! I did use it!) and then eventually get around to reading me some Scripture - but am often unable to corral my rabbity thoughts into more than arrow prayers because the day is advanced by that time and my mind is going in a thousand different directions...
But this morning, I got on my knees and tried again with the weird prayer thing. This time, I phrased it, "Lord, what is on Your heart?" I did that several times and each time, I got the same instant impression.
Twelve people.
And the unnamed thousands they represent.
1. Youcef Nadarkhani. Iran - In prison since Oct. 2010. Sentenced to die. Guessing that's hard on his family!
2. Llmurad Nurlieve . Turkmenistan - In prison since August 2010. He's asked for a Bible to read but the authorities won't give it to him. Pretty sad... I'm looking at the Bibles on my book shelf thinking, I'd gladly give him one of mine!!!!
3. Vahhik Abrahamian. Iran - In prison since Sept. 2010. He has dual citizenship and could have left Iran after his first imprisonment to live in his native Holland but chose to stay in Iran instead. Why? So he could share Christ with the Iranian people. Pretty brave guy! Could I do that? Honestly... no.
4. Dr. Kiflu Gebremeskel. Eritrea - In prison since May 2004. He has a Ph.D. in mathematics from Chicago University and was a professor in his country. Until he resigned that job to take up another - namely leading a Christian church. His wife and 4 kids have not been allowed to visit him. Don't think I could handle that either! Knowing that PHil was in prison somewhere and had been for 7 years and we couldn't see him???
5. Kidane Weldou. Eritrea - In prison since March 2005. During a wave of persecution against Christians in Eritrea, he and other pastors were told to keep their mouths shut about what was going on. Guess what? He didn't... He got the news to friends in the West and now there's a real possibility he's cramped into a metal shipping container for days on end at times, convinced he's forgotten. And since it's hard for me to remember where Eritrea even is and I once taught geography, I'm guessing that for the most part, he's right - he is forgotten... But not by God! (And so, I hope, not by me...)
6. Haile Nayzgi. Eritrea - In prison since May 2004. Same deal as above. Except that the charges against him have yet to be released. Ugghhh.... So much for civil rights...
7. Yang Rongli China - In prison since Nov. 2009. Scheduled to be released 2017. What's the deal there? Preaching Christ is supposed to net a 6 or 7 year sentence in China... Isn't that one year too many?? (And I imagine a year in a Chinese prison is pretty looooonnnnnnggggg)
8. Pastor Wang Xiaoguang. China - In prison since Nov. 2009. His crime? Participating in a prayer rally on SEpt. 14, 2009. I can't imagine this...
9. Y Wo Nie. Vietnam - In prison since August 2004. His wife finds it hard to get menial jobs and some days has no income. Their youngest son is often sick. Since the father is a political prisoner, I'm guessing his wife and kids are ostracized - not much help for them.... Again, I would help them.. if I could!!! (But.... do i pray for them...?)
10. Yang Xuan China - In prison since Nov. 2009. The good news is that his daughter, Esther, is allowed limited visits to her dad in prison. Also to her mom in prison. Their crime? You guessed it - participating in that iniquitous prayer rally on Sept. 14, 2009. Why didn't they do this rally thing inside the church? Because the police raided their church the day before...
11. Imran Ghafur. Pakistan. In prison since July 2009. He's using his time to study God's word and has sent a message thanking all the Christians who have been praying for him, promising that he'll deliver his thanks personally when he is released. If he is released...
12. Tohar Haydarov. Uzbekistan - In prison since March 2010. He's been charged with selling illegal drugs. HIs church says his only crime was to serve God - that he is honest and the police set him up. He's been sentenced to 10 years. He looks pretty young in his pictures.. Wondering what he'll look like when he's released...
These are the prisoners that were highlighted on the Voice of the Martyrs website "prisoner alert" page. I knew that already. I just didn't know that when I asked God what was on His heart (repeatedly - since the first time I asked, He didn't respond with "you!!!"), that every time He would answer by bringing this list to mind. I guess I just thought these were some good people with impossible-to-pronounce-names whose situations were not fun to read about. Or think about. And therefore, hard to pray about... for me, at least.
Now I know they are more than just weird names and tough situations - they are the answer to the question: God, what is on Your heart?
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