Why Joy Doesn't Come...

I'm going to make a plug once again for Kelly Minter's study, What Love Is...

One reason I'm mentioning it again is because much of what I'm going to share came from video session 7 in that study and I want you to know where I got this spiritual insight - it didn't come from me.

I listened to the video last night and woke up thinking about it this morning. Kelly is a good story teller but the truths she reveals in those stories are profound, no matter how simple the story may sound on the surface.

In this session she talked about how she had been a practicing Christian - in Christ, Christ in her, into the Word, etc. - and yet...

And yet one day when she was jogging, she asked the Lord why there was no joy in her life and to her shock, this thought passed through her mind: because you have idols in your heart.

She immediately wanted to dismiss that thought but then God showed her that an idol is anything that dominates our thoughts and/or is something we feel we have to have in order to be happy. It is something that, when it doesn't go the way we want it to, we feel despondent or upset.

Well, I know that... Don't I?

But really, does that mean that carrying a grudge can be an idol? Or clinging to a relationship when it's not healthy - can that be an idol?

I began to think about it - what things occupy my thoughts? What things do I feel I have to have in order to be happy? What things cause a visceral gut reaction when I first realize that this or that may be suddenly taking a turn that I don't like and didn't expect?

Then Kelly goes on to talk about Mary of Bethany. And she brought out a progression in Mary's relationship with Jesus that I'd never seen before.

First Mary sat and listened to Jesus. We know that story probably - Martha is running around, busy, distracted, and frustrated. WHile Mary is sitting at the teacher's feet,listening, absorbing, learning. Why? Because she doesn't like to wash dishes or cook? (Um... that would be me, actually...)

No. Because, as Jesus explains to Martha, what Mary is absorbing will never be taken from her. Ever. Not by old age, Alzheimer, or even death. And somehow Mary "got that". So she opted for something that was not an idol, something that couldn't disappoint her.

But then we see her beside the body of her dead brother. Jesus has a plan but she doesn't know that. And she is deeply grieving. And deeply disappointed. Really rocked to the core of her being.

And then Martha comes to her and says what Kelly said may be the most beautiful words in Scripture: "The teacher is here and he's calling for you."

And inspite of her deep disappointment, Mary gets up and goes to Jesus. Only this time she doesn't sit at his feet,smiling, and learning. No. She throws herself at his feet and blurts out her anguish, "Lord, if You had been here then _______________ wouldn't have happened." Scripture doesn't leave a blank there - Mary is specific: if You had been here, my brother wouldn't have died. But I put a blank there because, as Kelly says, we probably all have that cry in our hearts somewhere,harking back to a recent event or even maybe to a long ago event where we just got stuck. Our spiritual heart got mired in the quicksand of, "Lord, if you had been here... " then... my marriage wouldn't have turned to dust, my finances wouldn't have failed, this venture wouldn't have folded before it's time, my kid wouldn't have done this or that, my loved one wouldn't have died, my health wouldn't have gone South, etc.

So, even though all Mary could see was apparent failure as well as  a wall of grief that she could not get around and which couldn't possibly lead to anything good, she still went to the Master, fell at His feet and poured out her grief. "IF only You had been here, then....

Finally, we see her one more time - this time kneeling at the feet of Jesus, breaking a bottle of priceless perfume/oil and pouring out this expensive liquid over Jesus' feet. Spikenard was used to prepare a body for burial and that is what Mary is doing. Once again, she gets it. What Jesus teaches and what He gives, the way He loves and guides - all of that is lasting. It won't be taken away from her.

And she understands. HE is the resurrection and the life. She knows it. She's seen it..

Hence she is thrilled to give everything she has to Him in an extravagant act of love. Because she knows Him and she knows what He is worth.

Sitting at His feet, learning. Throwing ourselves at His feet, when life takes a turn we didn't expect or want. Pouring out our treasure at His feet in joyful surrender.

And no room for false idols along the way.

It's All Good...

Late last night when the house was quiet, I was reading Scripture and praying, basically asking God why I struggle so at times. I haven't had a stellar track record spiritually this past week. Attitudes have not been wonderful, etc.

And I felt like He gave me an epiphany, sort of. (I mean, how much of an epiphany can you have in a Jim Walter home in the 'hood at 1 a.m. in the morning??)

But I felt He asked me what my goal in life was. And then answered that question for me in a moment of time. To my surprise, I actually had a goal which I was feverishly trying to accomplish.

IF you had asked me,I would have told you that I didn't. That I was content with growing older and certain that Heaven would be everything it's cracked up to be and more.

But last night in a few minutes, a curtain was pulled back, basically, and I realized that in the back of my mind I had an image of myself becoming super Christian, reaching the epitome of my spiritual development (while people oohed and ahhed around me) and then - then once I'd reached that pinnacle of achievement - then I could transition to Heaven... And not until then...

The problem is that Older Super Christian Woman looks like this:
She's skinny. I'm not. No, wait! She's svelte... (That's even worse if I'm still in the running...)

She's smart as in she's memorized the Bible (at least the New Testament) and has all the answers. I have a lot of questions and often can't remember my own name. Or my kid's name. Or our dog's name... (So sometimes I just go down the list of names in my memory bank until I hit the right one). HOWEVER I am memorizing Scripture. I memorized John 13:1 last week. And I memorized it again this week...

She's beautiful. (Aren't all successful women, Christian or otherwise beautiful?)
I'm aging but not like a fine wine, shall we say. (Lack of hormones can do a lot of things to your body, I'm finding out...)

She's leading national Bible studies. Don't get me wrong - I love video-driven Bible studies and hope to do many more. But about all I myself can do is lead a small group discussion after listening to a video... And I don't always do that well. As in I can't always see what page number the current question is on. Or I read the question with no problem but halfway through I think, "Oh gosh! I never answered that one! And I see why!! It doesn't make a lick of sense to me even now..."

The perfect Christian woman has a saintly expression on her perfectly made up face, regardless of the trials that come her way. I don't take a ton of selfies. And there is a reason for that. Let's just say when the dog has another "on purpose" on the kitchen floor and I've just realized that our gas bill has doubled which means I'll have to do battle with a phone maze and the neighborhood kids are once again coming over here with muddy feet and all I really want to do is take a nap - well, the expression on my face isn't, um, saintly. Hence not a lot of selfies...

Back to the triumphant older Christian woman - her kids really do rise up and call her blessed. Mine loves me but, um, he's not a morning person so he doesn't really speak to me when he gets up and I don't really want him to call me blessed... Just making up his bed would be fine with me...

This perfect woman lives overseas but cares for a whole tribe of adopted kids over here. Without breaking a sweat. And she writes several books about all of it ... with no help from anyone else.. And at least one is a best seller. And her kids (all grown up now) have graduated from Harvard, Oxford, MIT, Moody Bible Institute, and Cambridge and are on the mission field doing pioneer work in a tribe we've never heard of before.

And I'm supposed to be approaching the apex of that spiritual line of development?? Here on earth? Before I can transition to Heaven and expect to receive a "Welcome Home, Thou Good and Faithful Servant"???

THAT's been my subconscious goal??

As I'm digesting that startling thought, God impressed another thought on my mind, equally startling.

I promise.

It was this:

Of the two of us, only one of us expected you to do and be all that...

smile emoticon

‪#‎Godhasasenseofhumor‬
‪#‎AndonlyHeisperfect‬.
‪#‎LoveHimandsoldieron‬.
‪#‎It‬'sallgood. heart emoticon

Something to Think About...

Sometimes I wonder about John 14:13. It seems like a carte blanche - ask-whatever-you- want-in-Jesus'-name-and-He'll-give-it-to-you type of deal.

I've heard the qualifiers to this verse - you can't ask for bad things and link your request with the name of Jesus because bad things and Jesus are incompatible. And I get that. Truly.

But still, sometimes I look at that verse and others that are similar and wonder... Unfortunately, at times like that a phrase from one of Mark Twain's works invariably goes flitting (unbidden) through my mind: if prayer works then "Why can't Miss Watson fat up?" Odd, the politically incorrect quotes that stick to one's childhood mind like mud sticks to monster truck tires...

At any rate, I was thinking about John 14:13 the other night and I decided to read it in The Message. "From now on, whatever you request along the lines of who I am and what I'm doing, I'll do it."

Along the lines of Who I AM...

And along the lines of what I am doing....

The first is easy. I can relate to it. For example, I can't imagine my 19 year-old niece going to her mother and asking permission to get drunk this weekend and spend the night in a hotel with her boyfriend. Her mother's character (if not her demeanor upon receiving such a request) would cause a question like that to die an unnatural death before it even saw the light of day. IN short, her mother would kill her if she even hinted at such a request and she knows it. It would go against everything her mom stands for.

But then there is the second part: along the lines of what I [Jesus] am doing...

God has an agenda.
Peter found that out. When Jesus asked His disciples who they thought He was, Peter moved to the head of the class with his famous answer: you are the Son of the living God. (Matt. 16:15-18) He had the "Who I AM" part down pat.

But then he sank to the bottom of the class just a few short verses later. In Matthew 16:21-23 Jesus explained how He would have to suffer in Jerusalem and even be executed before rising again.

Apparently Peter heard the words "suffer" and "die" and he reacted logically... as in the way we would react.

Surely God wouldn't send the Messiah - the One they had been waiting for throughout thousands of years - only to have him die before he even reached the age of 50!!!! Why, he'd only had his ministry going for a paltry 3 years!!!

And surely God wouldn't let the bad guys kill His only son!!! That doesn't make any sense!!

And then, surely, Peter was not going to lose his beloved Master and teacher so soon! No way! I mean, he still had a lot to learn! Besides, Peter was no coward and the fact is that a disciple stands up for his master, watches out for him, and if necessary even wields a sword for him!! (John 18:10)

And we would almost certainly be right there with Peter, saying, "Yes! Absolutely! Lord, Peter's right! Don't you worry - you aren't going to suffer and then be killed like a common criminal, not on our watch!"

And today we'd probably get down on our knees and hastily back up our words with fervent prayer: Heavenly Father, help us to protect Your Son - we know You don't want Him to be cut down in the middle of His ministry by evil men so we're asking, God, don't let this happen!!!"

Only the problem was that God's plan - i.e., "what he was doing" according to The Message - was for Jesus to go to the cross and be killed by evil men. Which meant that it was actually the Devil who was cheering on Peter's natural (logical) reasoning process in this instance and not God.

Sometimes it is God's plan to miraculously open the jail cell and let His servants go free. (Acts. 16:25-29; Acts 12:8-15) Sometimes, however, it is in keeping with His plan to let His servants suffer and die. (Mark 6:22-28)

The key to asking and then receiving whatever we request in Jesus' name lies in knowing both the character of Jesus and also what He is doing in any given situation, ministry, and/or person's life.

Sometimes we can look at a situation and say clearly, "This is the work of the enemy and we need to ask God to block it!" Other times maybe we can look at a situation and say, "This looks like the work of the enemy but above all that, I can see good that God is working out in this situation so I'm going to ask for __________ to be strengthened, for God's will to be done, and for Romans 8:28 to be clearly manifested." At other times, we may need to really pray and ask God to open our eyes, because even if we have His person (character) right, we may still be fooled as to what His current agenda is and we could easily find ourselves fruitlessly praying and/or actually trying to work against Jesus' plan.

To put it bluntly, sometimes it is in keeping with His overall purpose for the bad guys to "win" and the "good" guys to lose... for a season.. while here on earth.

In fact, sometimes His redemptive purposes require it.

"From now on, whatever you request along the lines of who I am and what I'm doing, I'll do it." John 14:13, The Message.   (See also I John 5:14 NASB)

Something to think about during this season of Lent.

"Libya's 21 Christian Martyrs:  'With Their Blood They Are Unifying Egypt'"
Christianity Today  Feb. 18, 2015

Choices...

This morning I was thinking about what it means to abide/dwell in Christ (John 15:4-5). While I was turning that over in my mind, Gracie was snuggled next to me in the chair, her head resting on my knee and her entire body covered by a small blanket. Buddie, our Rat Terrier/Pomeranian mix, was lying on the couch next to us and everything was peaceful.

Suddenly our dogs in the backyard started barking as they do about a hundred times a day. Heidi and Buster alert over anything and everything: a squirrel in the backyard (Heavens!!!!). The neighbor's dog who is about 20 pounds overweight and mostly blind and can only lumber down the road for a bit before getting worn out. (Wow! What a threat!) The meter man in his fluorescent vest. (Now THERE's a real danger!!!!) And then there's the garbage truck, kids on bikes, and David, Phil, or I pulling into the driveway. (Wow!!! It's THEM again! Who would have thought????? We haven't seen THEM for at least an hour or two... Maybe more!!!! And they came back!!!!!)

Buddie can't stand it when the big dogs begin to bark. He becomes frantic, jumping off the couch, adding his voice to the melee, running back and forth between me and the front door like, "Don't you know what's going on??? Don't you even care????" He just can't resist it no matter how many times it pans out to be... nothing... once again.... You'd think he'd wise up but he doesn't.

But little Gracie? She stays put. If the commotion becomes too bad, I may see the shape of her little head raise up under her blanket but that is as far as it goes. It doesn't take long before her little head is nestled on my knee again and she is as still and as warm as she can be.

And. oh. so. loved.

I actually delight to have her snuggle next to me and am amazed at how wise she is. When Buddie is beside himself over nothing, it's as if Gracie lifts her little head and weighs the pros and cons: do I want to go out into the freezing cold to run around in pointless circles for about 15 minutes, yapping my head off just because Buddie, Heidi, and Buster are doing it? Or do I want to stay here next to my master for as long as I can, warm, well-fed, protected, and loved?

And she usually opts to stay in spite of the pull to do otherwise.

And I think that is a picture of what it means to abide in Jesus and to allow Him and His word to abide in me - not alerting over flash-in-the-pan-stuff when we have the opportunity to spend time in His word and to snuggle down in His love.

Profound Love...

I am thankful for an abundance of, well, an abundance of upper respiratory bodily fluids???

That didn't sound exactly the way I meant it to...

But I am grateful for a minor inconvenience that has turned into something so over and above what I would have experienced without it. (For those who are seriously ill, please don't think that I'm saying illness is good or that I don't dread illness as much or more than the next person).

But this has been a light virus (which perhaps unfortunately has exhibited itself in an overabundance of written words... There are viruses... and there are viruses...)

I am a comfort-seeking creature... And this is never more true than when I am sick enough to justify being lazy but not too sick to enjoy all the attention and comforts of home...

I want chocolate, Jane Austen movies, chocolate, a warm blanket, chocolate, and a snuggly (ornery) little dog beside me in my favorite chair.
I want ice from Sonic and a legitimate excuse not to cook. And I want to enjoy napping without all the guilt and above all I want to read what I want to read - mostly murder mysteries, not to put too fine a point on it.

And so I have been reading for pleasure and it was with a bit of a sigh that I realized Sunday night that I would soon need to put the "fun" stuff aside and get back into my new Bible study - whose daily lessons were turning out to be a lot more time consuming than I expected. A LOT more time consuming....

I mean the first four daily lesssons were about 10 times longer than the whole chapter they were meant to delineate. I mean... honestly.. in answering those questions, I'm pretty sure that i wrote more than the apostle John did eons ago when he wrote the first chapter (all ten verses) of his first letter.

And yet...

And yet...

Yesterday morning I sat down with my plethora of multi-colored pens and highlighters, my Bible study notebook, and my Bible - comfy chair, blanket, and Gracie beside me. My plan was to knock out the last lesson from week 1 - I was behind - and then go on to do days 1 and 2 of this new week.

But that didn't happen because somewhere along the way, God arrested my attention and I found myself spellbound, really contemplating words I thought I knew. I managed to get through day 5 and that was all.

But it wasn't. Because now I couldn't wait until the evening when I could start on week 2, day 1. I looked forward to a quiet evening after everyone was in bed, a time when I could curl up next to the vaporizer in the spare room, snuggle down (this time with a different dog, Buddie... smile emoticon, and just let God be God. I felt an anticipation that somehow, as cheesy at it sounds, that eternity would once again light up my little cluttered room here in the 'hood.

And it did. Not in the way I expected. This time I found all my deep questions coming to the surface; I found myself pouring out all the "whys" that are part and parcel of the baggage that I subconsciously carry. But the question marks weren't punctuated by whines or self-pity - only a certainty that God had invited me (and all of us) to call unto Him, giving us His unbreakable word that if we do that, He will hear us and He will tell us things that are too great and mighty for us to discern on our own. And I fell asleep in that assurance - that He heard me and that He would reveal whatever I needed to know.

This morning I woke up with that same sense of expectancy - of meeting Him once again in a quiet house with a quiet heart. I opened my notebook which now has every ink color in the rainbow traced on every page that I've read and I knew He had something for me.

And He did.

His answer to my questions? Himself.

I read the other day that when Martha and Mary were grieving over the death of their brother Lazarus, Jesus didn't explain everything. Instead he offered Himself as the balm to their deep hurt by saying, "I am the life." (John 11:25)

At the time that I read that, it didn't make a lot of sense to me. This morning it did.

But that wasn't all...

If you are willing to set aside some time (you can always pray for a small virus...)

OOPs... Let me try that again!

If you are willing to set aside some time because you recognize a need to make a quiet space in your life for Jesus, because you need to hear from Him - then I highly recommend Kelly Minter's study guide "What Love Is".

I have loved/enjoyed just about every Bible study I have ever done. But there are only two that I would describe as profound.

And this is one of them.

Minor Inconveniences plus Worry... :(

I don't mean this in an arrogant way at all.

We've all been sick at our house, one at a time.  My husband was diagnosed with bronchitis this past Tuesday and that was a blessing.   The medicine is working and he's up and around again, back at work, missing only two days - and he really, really needed the rest even before he got sick.

I ended up going to the doctor Friday - nothing major at all, just a sore throat, sinus stuff, mild fever, enlarged tonsils - not even serious enough to have a name!  :)

I opted for cortisone pills instead of a shot and realized that was a mistake about 2 a.m. this morning while I was trying to keep down my sixth pill for the first day plus my second antibiotic.

And I thought about loved ones who have gone through chemo and I found I could give thanks for 8 small pills in 10 hours.

So first came my (naturally) whiny thoughts: my stomach is messed up... I'll never get to sleep... yada yada yada

And then the belated recall of how others whom I love have suffered tons more with far less "poor me" thoughts and I was humbled.

So my thoughts were back  on track - being thankful for what I had (and didn't have) and putting everything into proper perspective.

And then my thoughts took a nose dive again... If I can't handle a little cortisone and an antibiotic, how would I ever handle chemo? All the "what ifs" came crowding into the spare room like gremlins to keep me company. "You know you aren't getting any younger..." "Most people get cancer sooner or later... " Yada yada yada.

So first I had rank ingratitude and some over dramatization of my basically comfortable situation. (As long as I can sit up and read, I'm really okay).

Then back on track with thanksgiving and thinking of others.

Then nosediving into fear of the future - when God only gives us grace for today.

And the "poor me" as well as the "what ifs" are really basically sin. They are the opposite of having faith in God.

I read somewhere - John Piper, I think - that worry is a sin in that it's like having muddy rain splashed on your windshield. Suddenly you are navigating along with low visibility, barely able to see where you are going by faith.  Sin clouds our vision.

Corrie ten Boom agrees. In her stellar little book - the best one she wrote in my opinion - called Jesus is Victor (part of an anthology called Corrie ten Boom: Her Story), she said this:

"Worry is Sin"
"I had to learn that worry is sin before I could get rid of the worry. First I tried to "fear not" as an act of obedience. It was as successful as trying to kill a lion with a toy gun.Then I began to learn the secrets. First you must ask forgiveness for your sin of worry. Then you need to accept the cleansing of the blood of Jesus. Finally you need to let God fill you with the Holy Spirit. When you are filled with the Holy Spirit, the spirit of fear will flee, forced out by power and love and a sound mind."

In another place in this little gem of a book, she talks about how she had two speaking engagements in Canada. A woman volunteered her husband to drive Corrie to Ottawa, not knowing that her husband had been drinking and, as Corrie put it, it was not a little that he had enjoyed! The roads were icy and treacherous and as they began the journey the car was sliding from one side of the road to the other.

Corrie was worried as you can imagine. But they were driving at night, in the middle of nowhere, and she had no other alternative. Finally she told the Lord that she would never be able to speak at her next place if she continued to be tense and worried. She finished her prayer and then turned to the driver and told him she couldn't do the driving for him so she was going to sleep and leave it in the Lord's hands. The man agreed to her bargain smile emoticon. He drove. She slept. And when she arrived at her next meeting at 8 P.M., she was ready to speak for the Lord.

In times of great stress, that story comes back to me.

In times of minor stresses, I need it just as much.

Finally... :)

And now we get to steps three and four:
Live the life.
And share it.

That's the last two steps.
Live the life.  You know... if you are married, you live like a married person...  You don't take your ring off and flirt with other people. You don't join single chat rooms.  You don't stay gone for extended periods of time without letting your spouse know where you are...  that type of thing.

Instead, you come home at night to the same house and the same partner.  You work with them, take note of what pleases them, and love them.   More than that, you identify with them.  "My husband..." "My wife..."  "My Savior..." Oh, but wait...I'm getting ahead of myself...

Anyway, it's the same thing if you have a job:   you conduct yourself during business hours (and often during  non-business hours) in keeping with that profession.      You live your job by dressing, speaking, and working according to company rules and guidelines.

Our son is a personal trainer and one day, as I was talking to a lady he trains, she looked at me and said, "The proof is in the pudding. When I looked at your son, I thought:  he knows what he is doing."   She wanted to train with him because he obviously works out and looks the part.

Another example:  my sweet sister-in-law tried a new hairdresser (a healthy young woman) who is bald.  She said that the woman's baldness didn't inspire confidence in her skills somehow, explaining that it was like  an oxymoron to her.   The bottom line is that she'll be finding a new hairdresser :)

Living the life simply means living out what you profess to believe and value.  And that really comes back to the Word.  If you know what God values and you  let His thinking saturate your mind, your thoughts (which are lower than God's) will begin to change and your image (which is much lower than God's) will begin to conform to His. (Romans 12:1-2)  You'll begin to think His thoughts after Him and the Holy Spirit will begin to change your conduct as you yield to Him.

And then the fourth and final step will follow - sharing your lifestyle and the rationale behind it with others.

I am an overweight, geriatric woman.  I hate exercising. Seriously.

But I'm in the gym now almost every day.

Why?  Because I live in a house with a gym rat, a personal trainer, an advocate of exercise and healthy dieting. (He hasn't convinced me about the diet yet but he does have me on vitamins...)

Our son isn't real outgoing and maybe it was hard for him to broach the subject of going to the gym with his overweight, sedentary, bookish mom.  But he did it.  Again and again.  Why?  Because he believes in it.  Because he has seen what this lifestyle is doing for him.

As Christians we have an even better reason for sharing our lifestyle and beliefs with others:  Jesus commanded it.    He told His followers to go and make disciples (Matthew 28:19).  Paul wrote in II Timothy 2:2 that we are to bring in people so they can raise their hand, get saved, and be added to the church roster...

Oh, wait.. No that's not right.

 Paul actually said to learn the Scriptures and then find someone who has the potential to lead others and teach them, invest in them, disciple them... So that they can disciple others.

For our son to disciple me in physical training, he talks to me about it and he stands with me while I'm at the gym - directing me from this machine to that, adjusting the weights (to zilch... ) to accommodate my current weakness, explaining the benefits of each form of exercise, and encouraging me - "Keep your back straight... perfect!"   "How does that feel?"   "Let's don't do everything today since you don't feel well... Let's just keep it light..."  "Tomorrow we'll..."

At times I feel like I must be an embarrassment to him but when I apologize for being so out of shape, he just says, "Mom, you are in better shape than most of the others out there driving by simply because you are in here and you are trying..."  He's extremely fit but he never makes me feel bad because I'm not - he just takes me where I am and works with me, reminding me that in the end it will be worth it.

In order to do all this with me, he  schedules time to train me - he makes it happen.   Evenings, afternoons - whenever we can work it in. (Neither of us is a morning person so that's basically out.  However, I have seen him get up daily at 4 a.m. in order to train someone at 5, fitting his schedule to theirs.  I would say that is living the life...).

And I wonder: are we making discipleship happen?

Without that fourth element, the other three are good but not complete.

Dawson Trotman used to ask people: who will be in Heaven because of you?

It's a good question to consider at the beginning of 2015.   May we all use our time wisely so that this time next year we'll have an answer that pleases us as well as our Savior.