I've been angry with God.
I'm not proud of that fact; just acknowledging that it exists.
I'm reading the book, C. S. Lewis and Mere Christianity. I'm not reading it because it's about C. S. Lewis - I confess that Lewis and I have barely a nodding acquaintance... ha! (Translation: Lewis's writings are waaaaayyy over my pointed little head!)
I'm reading it because it's written by Paul McCusker, the same man who wrote many of the radio dramas for Focus on the Family, which happens to be one of my favorite things to listen to in the car right now. (Seriously beats the heck out of talk radio, which can be crazy, and audio books, which can be monotonous).
In the McCusker book, the author writes about Lewis's take on human pain and suffering - a very real issue during WWII when bombs were falling and people were dying right and left. Lewis taught what most orthodox Christians believe: that pain has benefits for the Christian, conforming us to the image of Christ being among them. But he adds that pain is called pain for a reason - the reason being that it hurts! And he admits that he would gladly crawl through sewers in order to avoid suffering.
Wow! Me, too! I could easily become a sewer rat in order to avoid suffering!
But Lewis goes on to conclude that how we feel as we go through the bad stuff doesn't affect the truth one iota. If we come through it with flying colors, testifying to an amazing peace through it all, that's great. If, however, we come through it like a whipped animal, riddled with doubts and anger, that's okay too in this regard: neither stance changes what is.
This is the deal: however our suffering pans out, whatever we feel or however we react during the trial - our experiences neither validate nor change the truth. Truth just is. Our exceptionally good experiences in the midst of suffering don't prove that God's word is true. By the same token, our exceptionally bad experiences during trials don't make the Bible's teaching on trials go bust and break into a million pieces.
Sometimes we get angry. And sometimes that anger comes to rest on God Himself. As I said, I've been there. There is never an excuse for being angry with God - He doesn't owe us anything. And, yet, He understands that we are but dust. In the form of Jesus, He walked this earth, experienced pain and suffering, and knows exactly how fragile our psyches are, how twisted our thinking can become in the midst of suffering.
Instead of ditching us when we pin our angst on Him, He takes the wild, heartbreaking ride of suffering and anger right along with us. Whether we feel it or not, He keeps His promise never to leave us and to ultimately bring good out of it for us - if not here where we can see it, then in Heaven where we'll never see anything else.
As Dr. Charles Stanley says, when we drag our tortured hearts to God and say something like, "God I can't stand You!" He just hugs us a little closer and continues to love us.
And that, regardless of how we feel in any given moment, day, or year, is the truth.