For my friends who are hurting...

I found this  helpful. It is a quote from The One-Year Wonder of the Cross Devotional by Chris Tiegreen.
Sept. 3
   "... The good news of salvation is traumatic.  New life begins in pain. Always.
    Think about that.  Jesus suffered on a cross to give us life.  The Spirit convicts us  of our sins - and often subjects us to futility and despair - before we come to Christ.  The mission of Jesus involves intense, prayer, hard work, and spiritual opposition before bearing fruit...
    That is the dynamic Paul and Silas embraced in a Philippian prison.  Because they were faithful, an unjust imprisonment, a violent earthquake, chaos among criminals, and a suicidal guard led to a family's salvation and a citywide testimony.  The conduit for grace is often despair...
   If you became a Christian thinking that life would be easy, you may be disillusioned by the war you entered.  As a believer, you have probably encountered counterfeits, injustices, and chaos, and wondered why God was absent. The answer from Acts 16 is that He isn't. In fact, He is never more present.  He allows desperate times as a platform for His grace. All He asks is for His servants to seize the platform..."
   


Chris also has a book called Violent Prayer, Engaging your Emotions Against Evil.   In the Fall of 2009, basically from August 09  to  Feb. 2010., we often felt pressed to the wall. Those of you who know us, know what we went through with the meth house next door and the people selling who lived just on the other side of the meth house.  It was just really bad - screaming and cussing late at night. Erratic driving at odd hours. A couple of times there was gunfire close by late at night and I had to call our son and ask him to postpone coming home from his friend's house until things settled down.  During this time, someone apparently got into our mail and got enough information to forge a check for 600.00 on our account and that was hard to straighten out.  We also had minor vandalism done to our property after going to the police about the check forgery. At times we were stunned.  During this period, I got Tiegreen's book on prayer and started reading it.  One of the things that he recommended was to  pray boldly for things that you know are in God's will.
    For instance, we know that the Lord's prayer in Matthew tells us to honor God and then to ask that His will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.  He went on to say that we know it isn't God's will for people to be shooting drugs into their veins, etc and so we don't have to wonder if it's right to ask that God show up strongly against this type of behavior and bring His kingdom principles to reign in such a situation.  So we began to pray that God's will would be done in the  lives of the people next door and that God's will would also be done on the piece of property  they owned - the same way that it would be if that land were in Heaven.  As Chris says, this is not a magic formula - it's just one way of praying.  However, in this case, we found it to be effective.
    We started praying this way in November and in February the house next door was seized.  It had been used for drug activity off and on since 2001 and there had been several arrests for cooking meth over the ensuing years. But for some reason, the house was never taken.   And then in the fall of 2009, things just seemed to be spiraling down into an endless vortex that would never get better.  As bad as things had been over there from time to time, it had never been like this and we felt pretty hopeless, wondering where it would all end.  We had no idea that  within a few short months, the violence and illegal activity would be  completely gone. And 12 months later, the house itself would be gone (in spite of the fact that the city said it would take 6 to 8 years to get around to cleaning the property ups).
    Sometimes, when things look the bleakest, it is true that God is about to step in and act. And while Praying Violently may seem like a weird title, the principles in it are sound.  The example I've given of how to pray is just one from the book - there are others.
   Prayer is supposed to be our first resort in times of trouble. Sometimes, when everything is unraveling, it is our only resort. We have an enemy and he knows for sure what he is doing. Sometimes it helps if we also know what we are doing when things start to spiral and chaos ratchets up in our lives.  We don't mind reading (and applying new  ideas)  about how to improve our garden, remodel our house, restore our marriage, improve our financial investments, etc.
  But maybe we balk at reading and applying a book on prayer. Maybe it sounds boring. Maybe we feel we don't need it. All I know is that when I thought things would never be better, this book gave me a prayer rope to hold onto. And I'm convinced praying effectively, Biblically makes a difference.

:)

       Woke up at 4 a.m. with one of those dreams that doesn't quite make sense but leaves you wide awake.  Tripped over the trash can in the dark while trying to get to the bathroom.  Went back to bed where a host of "things-to-do" and "things-to-worry-about" came parading through my mind - why does that always happen in the wee hours of the morning????
      So now the dogs and I are up. Well ..... I'm up.  Even the rat terriers have gone back to sleep, leaving me alone at the keyboard.
      Soooo.... what am I grateful for?
     For one thing, I'm grateful that I don't have to go to work today. :)  :)  :)  (I'm pretty useless on just a few hours sleep...)
     For another, I'm grateful that we had a perfect Labor Day yesterday - blue skies, light breeze, moderate temperatures, hint of Fall in the air.  In my book, that is the perfect day, bar none!
     I'm grateful that even if the meatloaf I made yesterday doesn't exactly look like the picture on the recipe, everyone still liked it.
     I'm grateful, as our friend Yetty used to say, that it was not our portion to wake up this morning sick or in the hospital. And that as high as gas is, I can still afford to fill up the tank.
    I'm grateful that Phil and I  are approaching our 25th anniversary. (Nov. 22, 1986).   I think that's special in any time but maybe especially so in this day and age.  I hope all the young married couples that I know can say the same 25 years down the road.
    I'm grateful for all the work Phil did re-modeling the bathroom - and also for the fact that most of it is working now:).
    I'm grateful that God is running the world so I can lay that job down for the moment  ;)
    I'm grateful that I have choices to make - that I can choose what I wear, what I eat, what I want to do today.  Many don't have that luxury, their lives being severely restricted by poverty and sometimes  also culture.
   I'm grateful that the noisy neighbors  down the street are..... down the street!  And not next door!   (Well... it's true... I am grateful for that!  Although I'd be even more grateful if they preferred to blast music from the 70's from their audio system...)
   And I'm grateful that being grateful takes the sting out of weird dreams at 4 in the morning...  
 
   
   

What it's all about...

     Something in my heart has changed.  I don't know how long it will last but I hope it's permanent.
     All my life, I've lived in the Bible belt and for most of my life, I've been a state employee and fairly conscious of what is politically correct and what isn't. Plus, my basic temperament is such that I hate to hurt anyone or cause any type of conflict.  And  all those things are still true.
    But during our two weeks overseas, some things changed for me.  It's taken me a couple of more weeks to process it all and I may still be processing it for some time to come.  Basically, I lived among a people who are smart as a whole, energetic, hard-working, and outspoken.  Very generous and very family oriented.  But not the Bible belt.  I didn't hear Amazing Grace being sung on every street corner, so-to-speak and at times I felt called on to defend my faith, which I think I did very badly.  I was not prepared.  I think I know quite a bit of the Bible but I wasn't able to apply it at critical times.  As I've already indicated, being at Yad Vashem was tough, as I knew it would be but I had no idea that my faith would take a nose dive momentarily as I looked at one wall after another of larger-than-life cruelty on a scale I've never seen personally and never hope to see.  On a much lesser note, sometimes traffic in Tel Aviv was scary - even when we were on a huge tourist bus.  There were some times in traffic when my heart was in my throat and I was praying every second, literally.
   And then there were times of acute homesickness.  I loved being with my sister, getting to see unusual sites in Haifa, Jerusalem, and Caeserea - so many opportunities that I hope will come again but which, realistically, may not.  So I tried to savor those moments as much as possible.  But simply put, I really missed my husband.  We'd never been separated for more than a week and sometimes I would tear up after a long day of site-seeing when I'd just hear his voice over the phone.  At those times, when I was tired and he was just a dis-embodied voice coming from 6,000 miles away, I could momentarily bottom out.  I just missed him. Seriously.
   And I missed church.  I just wanted at times to be with a group of believers. No, that's not accurate. I wanted to be at my church, to be sitting in my Sunday School class or to be in the balcony listening to our pastors and singing songs that I know by heart.
  The Bible and a Corrie Ten Boom book, Jesus is Victor, were a tremendous help.  But when I was too tired to understand what I was reading or too weak to have faith - as at Yad Vashem - I literally felt the presence of God. What I'm saying the best I know how is that, at critical times, I failed Him. But He didn't fail me.
  I first believed in Christ when I was 8 and I've been in church all my life.  I probably should be acutely aware every day of how Jesus saved me from the power of sin and from eternal separation from God.  But honestly, I'm not.  It's been so many years since I first understood and felt the fear of dying without Him that I don't spend my days being grateful for what He did on the cross for me.
  And because I've always been in church and I'm what Corrie ten Boom would call a "decent sinner" (meaning I haven't murdered anyone, cheated on my spouse, etc. ) I can "get it" that I'm not perfect but inside I can feel like I'm pretty darn good, like I'm reading my Bible, trying to help others at times, trying to follow the teachings of the Bible...  And inside I may be thinking actually about how much better I am than so-and-so over here or how  I deserve for God to do x,y,z for me b/c I'm basically a "good girl".
  But over there, in a heated discussion about faith, I was not a "good girl".  I was offended and to my surprise, gave as good as I got, trading insult for insult.  (I guess the school teacher came out in me!) That night, as I lay in bed going back and forth between nursing my sense of grievances and  confessing my sins, God brought a verse to mind that I would never have thought of in a million years.  As I lay there, these words flowed through my mind and heart:  Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake...   (II Cor. 12:10)  I don't ever remember memorizing that particular verse although it's possible that I did hide it in my heart back when I was in my twenties. But I really doubt that I did  it even back then - it's just never been a favorite of mine.   As soon as the words began to filter through my mind, I understood that God was convicting me.  Intellectually, I knew that He was telling me I had not been willing that day to graciously accept an insult or two for His sake.   But the amazing thing was that while I was being convicted, I felt nothing but total love, total acceptance.  Acceptance like I can't ever remember experiencing before.  Ever.
     He brought me through all of that - the culture shock, the tiredness, the homesickness, the times of doubt and discouragement. (And here again, He didn't have to bring me through the many good times! Please keep that in mind!)  And by He, I mean Jesus.  He brought me through my fears and touched my heart when no  one else could.  When I was scared, I didn't care, honestly, if it was pc to plead the blood of Christ. I just silently did it and if the traffic had gotten any worse, I probably would have done it out loud!
    This morning I was reading in John 1, NLT.  And in the margin I started listing all the things that Jesus is:
   1. He is the Word.
   2.  He is eternal - existed in eternity past.
   3.  He is the creator - everything was created by Him.
   4.  He is the life-giver.
   5.  He brings light to me.
   6.  He is stronger than the darkness in the world and He always will be.
   7.  He is acquainted with rejection. (Also in Isaiah 53).
   8.  He is the One who gives us the right to call God "Abba".
   9.  He is God who took on flesh so that He could live and walk among us.
And then I got to this verse (1:14b).   He was full of unfailing  love and faithfulness.
   And I thought, "No, He is full of unfailing love and faithfulness."  And He showed me that every day of my trip and has been with me every day since as I sort through the many memories and impressions.
   What would the trip have been like without Him?
   And what do I owe Him?
   Ask me and I'll tell you.  For me, it's not about being pc anymore.   It's about a real and living Jesus who made all the difference in my life and continues to do so.

Loving Sept....

     I don't know that I really have anything to say... but I don't think that's ever stopped me from saying it :)  When I was in my early 20's, it was commonly accepted  that it wasn't the quantity of time that you spent with your children but rather the quality of the time.  The idea was that if the mom had a meaningful job and felt fulfilled, then the time she spent with her children after work would be higher quality than if she stayed at home.  When I was young (and before I had our son), I never questioned the truth of that.
   And I don't think I could have had a more meaningful job than teaching young people. And there were perks that went with that job for me as a mom.  I got to spend summers with our son and we also had the same vacations during the school year, even the same snow days which were exciting for both of us!  It was always (or nearly always ;)  a joy for me to see our  son walk into my classroom at the end of the day and once he graduated from high school, that was the first thing that hit me - I'd never see him routinely walk into my room to tell me about his school day.  And I really missed that; still count it a privilege that I had those times with him and I'm sure I always will.
   Also, when he got to high school, I loved it that I actually knew some of the kids that were in his sophomore class.  I really enjoyed taking them to McDonald's after school or helping them in other ways.  (David's sophomore year I was driving my husband's little pick-up truck and the kids started calling it the clown car because when we would return to school for after-school practices or jobs, by-standers would be amazed at how many teen-age boys just kept piling out of that tiny cab!!!  And then there were the times when it would backfire for no reason and David would literally slide down in his seat until he was hidden from view, saying, "I'm not here...")
  But overall, as  this past August gives way to Sept., I have to say that there is a sweetness about staying home. I may get bored before it's over with but right now, I love not having to concentrate on 40 things at once.  When it's time to fix supper, I can just fix supper... I don't have school issues on my mind as well. I don't even have to worry about getting a load of clothes done so that I'll have school clothes  to wear the next day! And even though David is basically grown, I find myself wanting to spend more time with him, feeling more relaxed when I do talk with him.  And now my conversation is mostly about what I've read in a book or what I've  seen on the internet, not how this kid at school got on my last nerves or how this new directive from the powers that be is driving me crazy...
   As I said, in time this feeling may also wane and I may be looking for greener pastures. But right now I'm just grateful.  And just saying to the young moms today who have a lot more on their shoulders than I ever did at their age, if there is any way you can stay at home with your kids, you might find it to be more of a blessing than you think.  Again, it's not for every mom - I understand that.  And for moms like myself, financially it just never was an option for me to stay at home so this is definitely not a guilt trip that I'm trying to lay on someone's shoulders.  I am just saying that right now, I can definitely see the sweetness of being a stay-at-home mom.

Even if yesterday was a bust...:)

    As my friends and family all know, I'm going through a time of transition as I officially start my retirement!  This summer however has been... life as usual.  As someone said, "honey days" and "onion days"! And if God were grading on a pass/fail system, I could also add, some days have been "pass", some days (or weeks)... naaahhhh.... didn't make it as a victorious Christian!
   Last  week was recuperate week, unpack week, survive remodeling week,  and get David back into school week:)
   So I guess it wasn't really until this morning that I was able to actually be quiet, feel rested, and also reflect on past successes and failures, future plans etc.  (Translate: the guys are both gone, the suitcases are unpacked, and life is getting back on track... Remodeled bathroom partially works.. life is good.. Although now Phil says he's going to re-do the kitchen!!)
   As I read in the Bible and thought about things, my thoughts went to a couple of books (I know!!! I know!!!! What else??? I need to get a life... I know!!!!).  At any rate, one dog-eared book is a biography by Isobelle Kuhn called Green Leaf in Drought.*   The title is taken from Jeremiah 17:8 and the story is about Wilda and Arthur Matthews, two of the last OMF missionaries to be released from Communist China in the 1950's.  For a year or so, the communists had tried to starve Arthur (literally - not kidding), his wife, and their toddler.  But it just didn't happen. God provided food and money for them in unlikely ways. Not an abundance but enough to sustain them.
   The other book is called Born for Battle*.  It's also a slender paperback and very dog-eared by now:)  This book was actually written in the 1960's by Arthur Matthews himself. At that time, he was battling Lou Gehrig's disease and he wanted to write down what he had learned about prayer over the years while he was still able to do so.  In other words, he didn't want to waste either his illness or the life-lessons God had taught him.  The book is written sort of like a devotional - you can read each chapter (they are short)  over a period of a few weeks and learn practical ways to pray through difficult times.
   As I got both of these paperbacks down from the  shelf, I opened the Isobelle Kuhn book to a page that was very dog-eared and saw something that kind of put things into perspective for me.  During Arthur's time as a house prisoner of the communists, he began to experience terrible tooth pain. By this time they were just barely able to get milk for their toddler but had none for themselves and were existing on a really meager diet.  Also, each month he had to go to the Communist authorities and fill out lengthy papers and grovel in order to get permission to draw a small sum from his own bank account... Yep, it was his money but the communists had taken control of it.
   Having experienced deprivations for months and having no clue when it would ever end, Arthur was close to despair. And then someone sent him a small pocket calendar and on the back of it he wrote these words:
  Cast four anchors and prayed.. a veiled reference to Acts. 27:27-29.  The "four anchors" that Arthur "threw out" in the midst of his storm were actually points from Andrew Murray's writings that he  began to put into practice there in China.  They are:
  1.  Say when in trial - He brought me here.  It is by His will I am in this strait place and in that fact I will rest.
  2.  He will keep me here in His love and give me grace to behave as His child.
  3.  Then He will make the trial a blessing, teaching me the lessons He intends for me to learn.
  4.  In His good time He can bring me out again - how and when He knows. 
So let me say:
   I am 1) here in this trial by God's appointment.
           2)  I am in His keeping.
           3)  I am under His training.
           4)  I am here for His time.
As I look back over some of my non-chill times this summer - and there were some doozies - I think I need to have those four anchors typed up and taped to my forehead!! (Or maybe stapled to my jogging shoes so that I can really see them each day!  As if I jog.... Ha!)  Still, I was glad to be reminded of them this morning.  God is good.  Even if yesterday was a bust spiritually, each day is a new opportunity by His grace!

*I got my copies from Overseas Missionary Fellowship's website but apparently Amazon also has them but not for Kindle.  Of the two, Born for Battle is my favorite, maybe b/c it is so practical.

To change a village...

     I've been reading a book, Tombstones and Banana Trees, and it's about as different from anything I've ever experienced as a book can be.  At times, my heart literally ached as I read about the experiences of the author - abandoned as a six-year-old after his mother and siblings were publicly shamed by his father.  The author, Medad Birungi, had a tough enough life ahead of him, growing up in Uganda during the time of Idi Amin.  But being disavowed financially and socially by his father brought excruciating poverty into his young  life and this  led to all kinds of other suffering, including the murder of his sister and the rape of other sisters who had no father to protect their standing in the village.
    While the book talks about the bad stuff obviously, this man's entire message is one of forgiveness.  Really, it's his ministry to foster forgiveness as a life style and to help young people in his country who suffer the way he did.  One of the things that he said really struck me - he said that if we see forgiveness as a struggle then we are seeing it the wrong way.  Instead we should look at it as an avenue to freedom, something positive to be sought after and to be grasped.
    Another thing that really struck me:  by the time he got to the upper levels of education, he was looking good on the outside but living the life of an alcoholic and a thug at night and on weekends.  He was really, really rough.  Not a nice guy at all.
    But he heard some Christians give their testimonies one night and this started a civil war within his heart, a spiritual war that threatened to totally undo him.  In his anguish, he got on a bus and headed back home to his mother for comfort and help.  This was hard because he had promised his mom that he would uphold the family reputation while away at school and he had broken this promise a thousand times over, unknown to her.
   As the bus approached a bridge leading into his area, a bridge that held emotional significance for him, he had an overpowering sense that he must either do what the Christians had said to do right then and there or he should resign himself to being forever lost.  The pressure was intense - basically he knew it was a do or die situation as the bus neared the bridge.
    The Christians had said that he had to forgive others and confess his sins before Christ would forgive him.  So in desperation, before they reached the bridge, he stood up and began yelling out a list of the people who had hurt him and how he forgave them.  This was quite a list.  He actually had been carrying 19 names around along with the things they had done to him or his family and his plan was to go into the army so that he could get a legal weapon and then he would confront each person before shooting them in the head.  This was actually his reason for living.  So what he did on that pivotal bus ride was to stand up and yell out the names of those who had hurt him, one by one, and renounce his plan to murder them!  He also confessed every sin that he had ever committed and that was a longer list than the first one!  After this, he said, "I believe in Jesus Christ!" and fell on the floor of the bus, crying.  Not exactly Western-style Christianity but apparently.. it worked...:)
   There was a strong, older Christian man on the bus and he knelt by Birungi after the confession was ended.  This man began to pray for him and he also instructed the others on the bus to pray for him as well.  Then the man began to mentor him, walking home with him and helping Birungi confess his sins to his mother.  She also became a believer. And then this older man instructed Birungi  to go to each person on the list and confess his sins towards them and ask for their forgiveness. Over the next 3 years, he did this. The list included his father.
   Over time, this revolutionized the whole village, Birungi's family was restored, and he is now a minister as I've already indicated.    I couldn't always relate to the things that this pastor wrote but I could clearly see that there is power in repentance, forgiveness, and reconciliation. And that sometimes it just takes one truly broken, repentant heart to change a village.

:)

  It was a great opportunity for us to be able to travel overseas and there are things from that trip that I believe will stay with me a lifetime.  But I absolutely love being at home!
  My wonderful husband is re-modeling one of our bathrooms - it's going to be probably the most elegant room in our whole house when he finishes :)  My sister-in-law is teasing me saying that we need to have a formal tea or something to celebrate the opening of our new bath... But right now, it's not functioning and so the three of us are having to share one bathroom.  And still, I love being home!
  Over our vacation, we had so many interesting things to see and do that at times it was overwhelming.  This week, the most exciting thing I've done is laundry, dishes, and shopping for groceries... And I can't forget - I did hit Mardel's and found a mother-load of new Christian biographies - 3 at once!!!  So, of course, that made me very happy!
   But basically I've gone from walking the streets of Jerusalem's old city to walking with my husband along our neighborhood street, saying "hi" to people we know  who are cutting their grass or walking their dogs.  My days this week have been spent resting, reading and taking care of the house.  And although it's quite a contrast, I have to say again, I love being home!!!
   Would I travel again?  Absolutely!
   But not any time soon... Right now, in case you haven't figured it out yet,  I really, really love being home!:)